.. not right ..

i can sense that storm is coming.
i just don't know when and how strong.

but i hope i'm well prepared for it.
let's survive this one.

.. kill 2 birds in a stone throw ..

post-test? done.
15 questions and one partograf.
then it's done.

i was scared that they're gonna ask 'bout all those surgery indications,
and all the anatomy and histo.
becz if they asked that, then i guess i'm fried.

but since they don't.
i reckon i did okay.
and i hope i'd pass my O&G cycle
let's hope on that okay..

next week: new tasks.
new stage. OPHTHALMOLOGY
let's welcome that one too.
but not now.

. buterfly in my tummy .

kerana stress:

cicardian cycle lari ntah ke mana.
menstrual cycle jadi haru-biru.
makan minum tak terjaga.
pastu mulalah semuanya tak lawas.

i just hate that.

i just finished my gynecology exam this morning.
i got NORMAL LABOR.
and it feels like, between me and the mannequin.
we are in our own different world.
while dr.laksmi was busy texting and chatting.
but i got thru.
didn't spoil that checklist, nope.
only few steps got mingled.
but it's okay. i hope.

and for post-test tomorrow. haihs.
gotta move my aching cells and drive all the ATPs to work harder.
come on! gotta kill that one down too!~
then only we can rest. for 2 days.

.. i'm tired ..

so sooooo tired.
right now i always wonder what would it be like to lead a different life?
as someone else, perhaps?

would it be such extravagant and full of excitement??
would it be fun?
such contentment

when will i finally gain that sort of tranquility?

.. do what u wanna do, be what u wanna be ..

if life is that simple.
i would gladly take that as an opportunity.


but it wasn't
so suck up.
and live ur life.

.. how are we doing today? ..

definitely lazier and snottier.
feelings shows nothing.
and mood will tell u nothing at al..
and u're always left feeling so lost and confused.
and the only light u see is way too far to be reached.

and u're always in darkness then.
even.. until now.

.. am i being paranoid? ..

sometimes what we don't know scares the hell out of ourselves.
and it took u by surprise when u are not prepared to face it.
but the beauty of what we have no knowledge about,
is the ignorance,
the ability to walk away from it..

but we do know.
our subconscious mind keep telling us..
that it's always with us.
creeps like a shadow.
waiting to embark.
and what do we have as an escape route?
na-da.

being ignorance might only delight us for seconds.
but when the sun sets, reality falls back into its place.
and we are bound to doom.

.. like what u see? be in my shoes, feel it ..

had nothing to do with above statement.
just like it anyway,
my life had gone hurm.. hectic.

currently i'm occupied with "how to master this skill?"
and today i've learnt about normal labor steps.
hahaha.. and it is not easy for a baby to come to the face of the earth
and the stress on the mother is very big. (thanks mom!)
and the skills the doctor must have is very exquisite.

a newborn is very fragile.
and their immune system haven't develop at its best.
and they really need to be handle with care and great responsibility.
they should be stamped with FRAGILE!
hehes. i might as well one day end up as a gynecologist?
who knows? hehehes.

okay, tomorrow should be easier than the rest of lesson i've had.
will do my best!

.. first day of obgyn cycle ..

i wonder, when will i be able to do sutures/hecting?
oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh... scary nye...
nak pegang klem pun tangan mcm terkial2... *sigh*


hopefully tomorrow will be better.

.. a new cycle awaits ..

radiology cycle is over.
moving on to O&G cycle.


gotta study for pre-test tomorrow.
work harder!!!

well, i'm back to campus.
don't have to worry about transportation anymore.
nor the traffic/macet.

.. and the 1st cycle is over ..

and i'm proud to announce that i've passed the first KKD cycle.
it's not easy.
it requires understanding and hardwork (is it?)


but we've passed the requirement.
and right now, i'm free till tomorrow.
but i still have to study for the pretest gynecology that'll be on monday.
*sigh*


medicine: a lifelong study. true.

.. will not be updating for a while ..

MAAF
saya BUSY.
HARAP MAKLUM.

we're sorry for any inconvenience caused.

.. the beauty of an X Ray ..

what do you see in the above picture?
nothing? or maybe something that you don't understand?
what i see?

this wud be how i describe it.
Foto Thorax PA
Deskripsi:
1. Tampak daerah hiperluscent di hemithorax kanan tanpa corakan bronkovaskuler disertai dengan paru yang kolaps.
2.Terdapat efek dorongan +ve yang mendorong jantung ke kontralateral.
Kesan:
Pneumothorax dextra.

but i'm still learning.
and i have to master making that kind of description for next week's exam.
*sigh*

.. feeling better yet scared ..

better than my first day.
but absolutely scarier..
because, dr kristanto told us that passing mark for exam had changed.
aima told jida that passing mark is 80.

and it means, i have to get an A to pass. =(
and i'm scared that i cannot read the rontgen photos.
and i'm scared my point is incorrect it will deduct my mark (minus system)

and Z is worried bout his exam too.
and i'm sorry i cannot offer much help because i'm also busy..
i'm sorry..

i hope u'd do well in ur exam.
wish u all the best Z.

.. radiology cycle at RSAL ..

KKD/ skills lab began this morning.
AND I FELT ALIENATED!
WHY?

1. because all my group besides Min are indonesian batch 05!
2.first day of skill lab and i had to go to RSAL! (which i dunno where)
3.too many information squeezed into my tiny brain.
4.i'm starving.
5.i dunno how to adapt in new place.
6.Z wasn't there.
7.no familiar faces (i feel like crying!)
8.food was bad. (and expensive)
9.and i'm still in the mood for holidays!
10.exam next week.
11.Dr. Kristanto is said to be very strict.
12.and i have to go thru another 2 weeks of this.
13.KKD is busy!!! so unlike what my senior described. =(

and i dunno if i can go thru another day like this.
i'm so tired.
and i still have to help Z with his assignments. *sigh*

.. my time is up ..

i'm sitting here in the living room.
cherishing my last nite in malaysia.
last time to sleep on my bed.
last moment to have everything imprinted on my head.
so i'll always remember what home feels like.
i'm gonna miss everything here.

even the lousy lazy cats. yes.

ella, aleia and i went to alamanda to watch G-Force.
my intention is to watch The Ugly Truth.
but since we brought aleia, so that stayed as an intention.
i'm gonna watch it with Z later in Jakarta,

Z is already in KL, staying at his friend's house F.
but nevermind, let him have his final nite here with his friends.

and i'm going to watch last episode of Ying Ye 3+1 (mingdao!!~)
awww... and i dunno how i'm gonna feel tomorrow.
mixed feeling.
sad. to leave home.
but energetic to see what's coming ahead.
anticipating...
later. gotta sleep.
gotta wake up early tomorrow.

.. try harder ..

i got nothing to say right here.
i'm pretty tired today,
babysitting job is indeed pretty tiring.
i understand one fact right now.
babies can cry for no reason at all.
they cry when they want milk.
they cry when they want to be hold, or a friend to play with.
they can even cry because they pooped, or urinate.

but i still love babies.
even if i'm totally clueless on what they really want.
but i still find them very cute indeed.
and i love my nephew, rafiq asyraff so much. =D