you

in this.
it is all about YOU.
where it's only YOU that matters.
only what YOU think is precise.
only what YOU predict is true.
only what YOU feel is the utmost feeling.

what YOU see is what the world should see.
and that YOUr perspectives should be listened.

-but.
if it's in real life, where do YOU stand?
what about YOU that matters?
are YOU too démodé?

the ultimate.
of everything.

bila berkata2

walaupun tak pernah terlintas apa nak cakap.
tapi rasa mcm ada sesuatu yg tersimpan dlm hati.
menunggu masa utk diluahkan.
ataupun mungkin akan berterusan terkunci dlm hati.
tiada siapa yg tau.

sy mmg banyak merepek.
selalu pun cakap benda yg kadang2 menconfusekan diri sendiri.
tapi kan. tu mmg lumrah.
dah jadi kepribadian.
smoga tak jadi gguan kepribadian sudah.

penat tunggu si dia tak pulang2 dari game futsal kat kuningan.
kalau ikutkan hati mmg rasa menyesal tak ikut je tadi.
tapi sebenarnye dah janji kawan nak pg TA makan Jco yg enak.
tapi sebab hujan.
impian tue tinggal impian.
mungkin besok after diskusi akan shoot jugak pg TA menjilat oreology yg enak.
hahaha.

skrg musim hujan.
dulu musim panas.
nak kata banyak season kat jakarta nie tak lah.
more like extreme wheather je memanjang..
dulu panas macam gurun sahara...
bila dah hujan... tak berenti2 pulak.
jgn banjir mcm dulu sudah. tak larat nak dievakuasi lagi.

hati kacau. fikiran runsing.
apasal org yg dianggap kawan yg memahami dah berubah?
bosan hidup mcm nie.
pnh dgr ada org bgtau..
"don't get emotionally attached to anybody"
walaupun nak sangkal kata2 tue.
tapi deep down inside ada jugak benarnya.
but still rasa tak boleh aply on every condition.

exam tak jadi tukar.
buat penat je ingat boleh lepak2 sbb exam postpone.
tapi tak pun.
saje je buat gimik.

kenapa sy berbahasa malaysia(walaupun dah tak tau ada cmpur2 bahsa indo)
sebab malas nak fikir grammar yg betul.
english sy dah buruk.teruk.rusted.
kalau sy yg dulu dgr sy yg skrg cakap.
mesti gelak besar sambil berkata.
"loser".
enak je hati bilang begitu.
tapi itu adalah hakikat..

too long

boring.
been feeling like i've stayed in jakarta for too long.
even tho last month i just went back to Malaysia.
what does that proves?
jakarta = boredom?
maybe.. just maybe if there's no class and exam.
and instead, we fill it with berjalan. bershopping. bergembira.
life would be much happier.
don't u think so?

on the other hand, cracked heels is horrifying
it's one of the early sign of aging.progressive deteriorating destructive process.
no wonder manusia try their best to at least postponing the aging process.
or at least make it slower at any rate.
i agree.

memikirkan dalam family ada history diabetic and hypertension.
ada juga autoimmune..
diri jadi takut.
fikiran "will i have one of those" sgt bermain di kepala otak.

memikirkan parents yang makin lanjut usia.
and abah yg memang ada diabetes mellitus type 2 plus complications.
and kak yg ada SLE.
hati takut akan kehilangan.
hopefully it won't happen now..
or in the mean time.
or ever.

mengantuk hari2 adakah sebab kelas bosan. modul bosan?
pastinya belajar ttg org tua amat memboringkan
memikirkan suatu hari nanti akan jadi begitu juga.

suatu masa nanti, mungkin akan ada hipertensi.
lebih teruk lagi disertai dgn diabetes.
yang mungkin datang tanpa sedar.
sedar2 dah ada komplikasi.
sakit jantung.
nefropati.
neuropati.
masa depan yang gelap.
ditambah dgn possibility yang menakutkan.
sakit itu menakutkan.
mati adalah suatu yang pasti.

there he was.

Dr Tony Setiabudi SpKJ, PhD
i thought he was already fired.
but there he was, lame and suck as usual..
teaching gerontology.
i do think he had grandiose delusions.
the way he bragged about himself- one can never be too full of himself.